6 Personalities In Your High School Small Group

While waiting for my flight in the airport over the weekend, I struck a conversation with a really nice guy named Steve. Steve is a Long Beach police officer and his stories were amazing and funny! We had about 5 hours on our hands and eventually got on the topic of high school small groups. To my surprise, Steve was a small group leader for a group of students in Long Beach! In fact, he had been leading his group for four years. I asked him for any advice and he began telling me about the six types of student personalities in a typical small group.

I decided that I was going to blog about it and began writing the first three. At one point, I had to look something up and came across a church in Lakewood, CO called Bear Valley Church. They had a document linked to their site with tips on small groups. It was exactly what Steve was telling me about. I'm sure this is nothing new to veterans, but for new guys like myself, it's really interesting. So, I simply did a copy & paste into my blog because I didn't want to write it myself. Thank you Bear Valley Church!

The Talker

Description: This is the student in your small group who never stops talking, who always has a comment for everything. You’re tempted to apply duct tape, but don’t -- there are more productive ways to handle this student.

Possible Solutions: First, position the Talker next to you when you begin your group, which reduces eye contact with her when you ask a question -- and when she interrupts someone, lets you reach over and touch her arm (usually a silent but effective cue). If you have a whole group of Talkers, you may want to try the ground rule that stipulates that the small group must circulate an object -- a stuffed animal, Nerf Ball, spit wad, whatever -- and that a student must possess it before speaking. This will help Talkers wait their turn.

Chances are, the Talker has some natural leadership ability that you should encourage. So let her lead the small group now and then. This can help her appreciate what you endure as a leader, and she just may become more supportive when you lead.

If the problem persists, get some time alone with her and talk with her about giving others a chance to answer the questions. Help her feel that she’s on your team, and that the two of you need to work together to encourage the other students to respond.

The Thinker

This student is quieter (and usually shier) than the others, with a tendency to get drowned out by the louder personalities in your group. So bring him out more by positioning him across from you, to increase the chances of eye contact with you. You can also use the tried-and-true method of occasionally directing questions to specific students, thereby eliciting responses from the Thinker.

If the Thinker is particularly shy, spend one-on-one time with him to discover what he’s interested in -- and so you can create the kinds of questions that will bring him into the discussion. Use the positive reinforcement of affirming him on those occasions when he actually does respond publicly. And when he lapses back into silence, don’t interpret that silence as something that needs to be fixed. Some kids just learn by listening and watching -- and there’s a good chance he’s one of them.

The Church Kid

This kid has already spent more hours in this church than you probably have. She’s progressed from the church nursery to the high school room in the course of her 14 or 15 years there. She consequently knows more about the Bible than any other kid in youth group, not to mention her small group. Of course, her knowledge may or may not indicate spiritual depth.

Church Kids can be the hardest to reach because they’ve heard it all, and therefore feel they have nothing to learn. One way to challenge them is by not being satisfied with pat answers. Always ask why. Or play devil’s advocate by countering her squeaky-clean, correct answers with provocative arguments from the “wrong” side of the issue. Such strategies usually work for a Church Kid to think more deeply about her answers instead of just rattling them off.

Ask her to help you create questions for a Bible Study -- or even let her lead the small group once in a while. In any case, avoid asking questions that invite a “right” answer. Opt instead for question that leave room for a variety of valid responses.

The Distracter

This is the student who can’t sit still and ends up distracting everyone in your small group -- including you. Rather than constantly stifling him, direct his energy toward productive ends: ask him to help you pass out Bibles, set up chairs, serve refreshments. Or (and this is good advice for all small groups, with or without Distracters) do some active-learning experiences with your small group -- like object lessons or field trips -- instead of just sitting and talking week after week.

You may better understand this student (and where his energy comes from) if you get together with him outside of your small group. Even a Distracter can be good for your small group. Even a Distracter can be good for your small group, if only because he doesn’t let you get by with boring Bible studies. (Remember that when you’re tempted to quit.) Really -- your leadership skills will be sharpened as you find ways to engage him as well as the tranquil students in your lesson.

The Debater

She irritates you by challenging every point you (or anyone else) tries to make. Sure she brings a creative energy to the group sometimes -- but she often stifles the other kids by making them feel too threatened to voice their opinions or feelings.

Deal with the Debater by establishing ground rules for you small group, (the first and perhaps the only) being: It’s okay to disagree with

opinions, but it is inappropriate to attack or put down other small-group members if their opinions differ from yours. A second ground rule

may be that only one person may talk at a time. Ground rules like these help make a Debater’s criticism less caustic and restrains her from interrupting others in order to make her point.

The good news: once Debaters understand and abide by such rules, their input can actually enliven your discussion. Just remember that your goal is to direct, not stifle, their participation.

The Crisis Producer

This student is in perpetual crisis -- and lets your small group know about it every meeting. He’s often self-absorbed and therefore unable to participate in the discussion, except when it’s focused on him. So get together with him before your small group begins in order to talk through his problems with just you instead of bringing them to the small group. (Lucky you.) Or begin your small-group discussion with the assurance that everyone will have a chance to share problems, prayer requests, etc., at the end of the group. This helps members -- and especially Crisis Producers -- stay focused on your bible study.

Whatever your strategy with your Crisis Producer, your long goal is to help him see past his crises to some solutions, and then to participate in you small group without having to constantly bring the focus back to himself.

What about a student who raises a legitimate crisis during the discussion? Be flexible enough to postpone your study and deal with the issue at hand.

Here's their link to the full deal (it's a word document): Small Group Leader Skills